Fatherhood
I'm consistently in awe of those folks that move through life with certainty. I always seem to have some doubt about even the simplest of choices. What should we do for dinner? Should I wear sneakers or chukkas? Golf shirt or oxford?
This unsuredness was present even when it came to our decision to have a child. Throughout our journey to become parents I was never sure that this was the right decision for me. I liked our life as a couple and enjoyed the flexibility and freedom that came with it. We would jet off to a last minute vacation on a whim. Stay out late several nights a week and subsequently sleep in the following day. Brunch often lasted hours ending in the early evening after too little food and too much drink. Wouldn't all of this cease with the introduction of a new born and not return for the better part of 2 decades?
What I can say and I think many of you can agree with is that when I first met my daughter, something changed in me. Suddenly I felt like my heart was outside my body. To steal from my cousin who recently had a baby, my heart wasn't big enough for the love I felt. My wants no longer took centre stage because this little being immediately meant more to me than anything I've held dear before. This love has only grown as the years pass and what once scared me for the time until we could return to a more coupled existence now terrifies me on how quickly she is growing. Too soon I won't be daddy who she asks for a 'cuddle club'. Too soon I won't get a bear hug and kiss in the school yard when the bell rings.
This strong little lady has taught me so much about family and parenting. I've changed my views on what's important. Sleeping in is no longer an option. Staying out late doesn't have the same appeal. Brunch now includes crayons. I wouldn't change any of it for the world... and I can say that with certainty.
